Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
