youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
