He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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