I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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