Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
