pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
