I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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