Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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