I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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