Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
