so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize