So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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