my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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