Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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