I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
