Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize