sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
