Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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