12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize