break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
