Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
