I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
