How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
