I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
