Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
that is very illegal...i love you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
