Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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