yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
