She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
