her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
