you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize