We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
