I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
