Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
