Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
