i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
