In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
