I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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