quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
