Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
