OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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