i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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