I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
