And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
God, I missed his penis.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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