why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
