I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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