i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
