Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
