just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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