You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
