Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
