Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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