We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
