I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
