K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hippo gnu deer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
