You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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