This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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