Me too!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize