yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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