I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do vagina's smell?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
