I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
