he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize