So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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