the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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