And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
