i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dignity is for republicans.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
