i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
