Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
