I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
