I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
