Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
