we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
