She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His nipple licking is glorious
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