I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
