She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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