I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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