please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
