Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So many bounce houses so little time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
