My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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