Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You're a waste of cheezeits
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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