I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
