you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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