I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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