I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
