I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
please don't ironically join a cult
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