The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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