if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
