i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
