Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
