I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
