No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just googled if crying burns calories
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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