Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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