U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
