apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
