Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
