Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
