Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
