you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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