just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
