The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
