According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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