white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
