I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
