Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
