So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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