I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
