I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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