I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You pole danced in your parka.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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