as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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