How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize